I had my Week 6 Weight Watchers meeting last night… I am so glad that I stuck it out through those first few tough weeks. I am down -4.4 lbs! I didn’t go the week before because I went to the doctor that day and got antibiotics for a sinus infection so I just went home and got into bed. I wasn’t thinking I was going to lose much because I haven’t really been working out with this sinus infection but -4.4 in two weeks? I’ll take it! So that’s an -11.4 total loss (7.4lb on WW). This is really working for me. I can’t believe I found something that actually works.
One of my friends at work who was also doing WW said she doesn’t want to do it anymore because it makes her think about food too much. That’s exactly what I need. I need something that’s going to make me conscience of everything I put in my mouth. As my WW Leader said – “Beware of the BLT’S – Bites, Licks, Tastes, Sips.” It’s so true. It totally adds up and I never realized how much I do that until I started to be really conscience of what I am doing instead of mindlessly shoveling food into my pie hole. While making lunches, while making dinner, while doing anything in the kitchen… at the office is really hard too especially with Halloween coming up. Lots of people have candy dishes on their desks and I would just grab some on the way to the copier or the bathroom. It. All. Adds. Up. Does that mean I can’t have that Snack Size Snickers that I have an afternoon craving for? Of course I can as long as I track it. As long as I am making myself accountable for what I am eating. At the end of the day the only person I’m hurting by not tracking is me.
The week before I was sick I tracked EVERYTHING and printed it out to show my leader (because I was so frustrated with not losing, I talked about it in the WW Week 3 post). I felt like I was being more conscience of what I was eating because I was handing in “homework.” Like I was making better choices because my leader was going to see what I was eating. Then I realized I was being more accountable to my LEADER who was looking at my food for the week than I usually am to MYSELF. Oh. Well. That doesn’t make much sense now does it?
I lost 1.2lbs that week with the only workout I did was my Wednesday night Water Aerobics! I think my problem is portions and “eyeballing” what’s on my plate. “That looks like 3 oz” or “That looks like ½ a cup.” Guess what. It wasn’t. Also, I’m going to repeat what everyone else says – Tracking is KEY. If you don’t track it you can’t be accountable for it.
I’m in it to win this time around. I am going to get to my goal weight and be a WW Lifetime Member. Maybe when I get there I’ll actually put in writing how much my starting weight was but right now I’m too close to it and I’m still too embarrassed that I allowed myself to get above and beyond what my heaviest was when I lost 60 pounds 8 years ago. Hubs doesn’t even know how much I weigh because, to be honest, right now I think we weigh the same. Meaning at my heaviest I weighed more than my husband. That was a wakeup call. I can’t blame this on the fertility meds either. Yeah they didn’t help but I was fat before the meds and the combination of the medication and my bad habits just made me fatter. But now that I’m on the right kind of “losing streak” I like the feeling of losing much to stop now.
This morning I got out of bed at 6am to work out. But let’s be real here… really the only reason I actually got up was because the dog had to go out and hubs had already left for work so it was on me. I got up, put on my workout gear, took her out, got my water and went into the den to work out. Then I stood there for a good minute having an internal debate about whether or not I really wanted to work out. For a while the part of me that just wanted to get a cup of coffee and snuggle in bed until 7am was winning. I had literally shut off the DVD player and was ready to walk out of the room but something made me stop. I realized I didn’t want to be fat more than I wanted to get that cup of coffee and sit in bed. So I turned on Leslie Sansone and got to work.
That was a turning point for me. The idea of stepping on that scale at the next meeting and losing, the feeling I got when the receptionist said to me, “Hey nice job! You stuck with it and look what happened!!” That feeling right there was what had me turning back around this morning and turning that DVD back on. Losing feels better than being fat. Yeah I was cursing out Leslie, “Sweaty Betty, Dot, Barb and Cindy”* while I was working out but I did it and I didn’t phone it in either. It finally clicked that losing felt better to me at that moment then getting back in bed. That’s what I call a “win.”
*those are the names that I call her “back up dancers” on that particular DVD. I’m not really sure what their real names are because I wear my iPod (her commentary drives me up the wall but I love her workouts. I also need to hear my music to get me in the groove). This one woman works up such a sweat and is so into it that the name “Sweaty Betty” seemed appropriate. One woman looks just like my Aunt Barb. The other two I just think look like a “Dot” and a “Cindy.” I needed to name them because saying “go Sweaty Betty, get it girl!” or “wipe that stupid smile off your face Barb” (at a particular tough part in the work out) makes me feel like I’m working out with pals. Hey – give me a break, whatever works, right?
Friday, October 4, 2013
Thursday, October 3, 2013
Fat Old Ladies & The Big D
Ok I I took my first Aqua Aerobics class 3 Wednesday nights ago. I LOVE it! I look forward to it all week, it’s SO MUCH fun! At my first class I was a little nervous to take my towel off but then I realized that all the ladies in the class, with the exception of the nice woman from my WW meeting, were all older grandma type women. One woman came up to me and was like, “are you new?” I said, “yes this is my first week.” She said, “you’re going to love it, it’s just a bunch of us fat old ladies.” I instantly loved her.
I can’t believe how fast the class goes by. Before I know it the 45 minutes are up. Whoa. Usually I’m sitting there staring at the clock counting down the minutes until the workout/class is over. This time I can’t believe it when we start the cool down stretching. Let me tell you, this isn’t some leisurely swim either. Yes you can modify it to be easier but if you do the exercises at the intensity that she’s showing it’s a real workout. Some of the ladies told me that they also take the Water Zumba on Monday nights so I am going to sign up for that one at the next session (they are 8 week sessions)… but I will have to wait and see where I am with the chiropractor at that point. It would be great if I was only seeing him once a week so I can fit in two water aerobics classes.
I was able to put on a pair of dress pants this morning that I have not been able to wear (comfortably and then not at all) in literally 8 months. I am so happy. I haven’t noticed a huge weight loss on the scale but I can tell that all my clothes are fitting differently (obviously since I can now wear pants that I haven’t been able to wear). I seriously think it’s the water aerobics and I’m excited to add another class to my week. I didn’t go to Weight Watchers last week because I had gone to the doctor that day for my physical (more on that below) and it turned out that the horrible allergies I was suffering from was actually a nasty sinus infection. I just went home and got in bed to rest up with some meds, box of tissues, oj, the DVR and my pup. A round of antibiotics later and I’m feeling pretty good. Still have mild sneezing/nose blowing but I know that’s my allergies.
My physical went well – he said I was really healthy (besides the extra weight but he knows I’m working on it). Then he asked how the baby stuff was going… and I lost it. He knows we went to the Fertility Doctor but didn’t know what has happened so I filled him in. His wife is an OBGYN at the practice that I go to so he’s sensitive to all that reproductive stuff. I also told him how sad I’ve been and how some days it’s a struggle to get out of bed. I know why I’m depressed – duh – it’s not like I need to go to a therapist to try and figure it out. I’m having a very hard time with all this… maxing out our insurance for the IF coverage and still not having our miracle, our friends who started trying for #1 when we started trying are now having baby #2, and my age- I can feel that damn biological clock ticking with my whole being. I also have guilt over the fact that we’re not pregnant and I feel like it’s my fault and that hubs isn’t a dad because of me (ok well maybe I need to see a therapist to work on that but I don’t really have the time – or the inclination).
He said he was really worried about my "mental health and wellbeing." He prescribed a very low dose of an antidepressant called Wellbutrin. I’ve only been on it for a week and I seriously feel like it’s helping. I got my period last night and I didn’t collapse in a puddle of sadness. Yeah it sucks that another cycle is down the drain but I was like – ok well bright side is that at least this cycle was only 30 days (versus the last one which was 46, yes I said forty six). I also was not a raging witch for the last few days (which is a sure sign that good ole Aunt Flow is on her way). He said that people who are trying to conceive generally do not take antidepressants but he feels like I need this and when (he didn’t say “if”) I get pregnant he’ll take me off of it or wean me off of it. I see him in another week for a follow up to see if we need to adjust the dose but I think it’s ok.
I’ve decided that I’m going to stop all the “I can’t because I might get pregnant” talk I have been doing in my head for the past 3 years- like going on the antidepressant. “I can’t do that because I might get pregnant really soon.” I bought myself some much needed new clothes yesterday (probably spent more than I should but whatevs) because I have been saying to myself for the past 3 years, well I might as well wait and spend the money on maternity clothes “because I might get pregnant soon.” I need to focus on me. I need to focus on getting myself in a better place, physically and mentally. I’m not ready to give up on getting pregnant but I need to stop holding myself back because there’s a chance “I might get pregnant really soon.” I need to get myself healthy so that I CAN get pregnant soon.
I can’t believe how fast the class goes by. Before I know it the 45 minutes are up. Whoa. Usually I’m sitting there staring at the clock counting down the minutes until the workout/class is over. This time I can’t believe it when we start the cool down stretching. Let me tell you, this isn’t some leisurely swim either. Yes you can modify it to be easier but if you do the exercises at the intensity that she’s showing it’s a real workout. Some of the ladies told me that they also take the Water Zumba on Monday nights so I am going to sign up for that one at the next session (they are 8 week sessions)… but I will have to wait and see where I am with the chiropractor at that point. It would be great if I was only seeing him once a week so I can fit in two water aerobics classes.
I was able to put on a pair of dress pants this morning that I have not been able to wear (comfortably and then not at all) in literally 8 months. I am so happy. I haven’t noticed a huge weight loss on the scale but I can tell that all my clothes are fitting differently (obviously since I can now wear pants that I haven’t been able to wear). I seriously think it’s the water aerobics and I’m excited to add another class to my week. I didn’t go to Weight Watchers last week because I had gone to the doctor that day for my physical (more on that below) and it turned out that the horrible allergies I was suffering from was actually a nasty sinus infection. I just went home and got in bed to rest up with some meds, box of tissues, oj, the DVR and my pup. A round of antibiotics later and I’m feeling pretty good. Still have mild sneezing/nose blowing but I know that’s my allergies.
My physical went well – he said I was really healthy (besides the extra weight but he knows I’m working on it). Then he asked how the baby stuff was going… and I lost it. He knows we went to the Fertility Doctor but didn’t know what has happened so I filled him in. His wife is an OBGYN at the practice that I go to so he’s sensitive to all that reproductive stuff. I also told him how sad I’ve been and how some days it’s a struggle to get out of bed. I know why I’m depressed – duh – it’s not like I need to go to a therapist to try and figure it out. I’m having a very hard time with all this… maxing out our insurance for the IF coverage and still not having our miracle, our friends who started trying for #1 when we started trying are now having baby #2, and my age- I can feel that damn biological clock ticking with my whole being. I also have guilt over the fact that we’re not pregnant and I feel like it’s my fault and that hubs isn’t a dad because of me (ok well maybe I need to see a therapist to work on that but I don’t really have the time – or the inclination).
He said he was really worried about my "mental health and wellbeing." He prescribed a very low dose of an antidepressant called Wellbutrin. I’ve only been on it for a week and I seriously feel like it’s helping. I got my period last night and I didn’t collapse in a puddle of sadness. Yeah it sucks that another cycle is down the drain but I was like – ok well bright side is that at least this cycle was only 30 days (versus the last one which was 46, yes I said forty six). I also was not a raging witch for the last few days (which is a sure sign that good ole Aunt Flow is on her way). He said that people who are trying to conceive generally do not take antidepressants but he feels like I need this and when (he didn’t say “if”) I get pregnant he’ll take me off of it or wean me off of it. I see him in another week for a follow up to see if we need to adjust the dose but I think it’s ok.
I’ve decided that I’m going to stop all the “I can’t because I might get pregnant” talk I have been doing in my head for the past 3 years- like going on the antidepressant. “I can’t do that because I might get pregnant really soon.” I bought myself some much needed new clothes yesterday (probably spent more than I should but whatevs) because I have been saying to myself for the past 3 years, well I might as well wait and spend the money on maternity clothes “because I might get pregnant soon.” I need to focus on me. I need to focus on getting myself in a better place, physically and mentally. I’m not ready to give up on getting pregnant but I need to stop holding myself back because there’s a chance “I might get pregnant really soon.” I need to get myself healthy so that I CAN get pregnant soon.
Friday, September 13, 2013
Weight Watchers Week 3
Ohhhh I’m frustrated. I have been doing Weight Watchers since August 22nd. I lost 1 lb the first week, .2 the second week (yes, that is point 2 pounds) and then I gained a pound at my meeting last night.
Mother F-er.
I am doing this with 4 other women I work with. One goes to a meeting in another town and the other 3 are doing it online. It’s great to be doing this with people at work because there are usually so many obstacles at the office that having 4 other people to help each other stay on track is great. Also one of the woman is usually the one who brings in baked goodies or has candy on her desk so having her on this journey with us is good because she doesn’t do those things now!
This is the reason why I have joined and quit WW so many times in the past. I have always lost at such a slow rate but I have never lost this slowly before. I also have a good amount to lose so it’s not like I’m just dealing with a pesky 10 pounds here. One of the women in my little group has probably 30 pounds more than me to lose but she’s already lost 18lbs (she started 3 weeks before me)! So I know we all have different amounts to lose and I understand that we’re not going to lose at the same rate but I mean come on!!
I have been very good with tracking and staying on program up until the weekends. We usually have so much going on and are constantly out at someone’s house or out to eat that I try to be good but I don’t do such a good job of tracking everything and I am sure my portions are off. We do get those 49 extra points to use during the week that I tend to use up on the weekends (at least I think I do, not 100% sure since I don’t track 100% on the weekends).
So yeah, I’m probably doing myself a disservice with my lax WW-ness on the weekends. I know I know everyone says the secret to the program is to TRACK EVERYTHING. My leader could tell yesterday that something was up so she came over to talk to me. She’s so super nice. She said that some people actually take a month before they start to see the results. Geez, I never knew that. She offered to look at my food list next meeting… so now I have to be REALLY good and track everything since I have to hand it over in a week!
There is a really nice woman named Becky who I usually sit next to at the meetings. She overheard me talking to the leader and told me about an aqua aerobics class that she’s going to take. She said it’s at the local rec center and she did it last year and really liked it. She said that it starts next week and it’s 6:15-7 and one day a week. I’m not that thrilled about the prospect of getting in a bathing suit and then going into the local pool with a bunch of strangers… I’m not even that thrilled about getting into a bathing suit and going into our backyard pool in front of my husband… but I went home and signed up.
I’m going out to Indian with some girlfriends tonight and I know that if I wasn’t “handing in my homework” in a week I’d be pretty lax on the tracking, maybe not even track or just eyeball it. But today I went online to the restaurant’s website and then compared it to the WW etools and already picked out what I’m going to have so I know the points (Chicken Tikka – 5pts for 4oz, which is a little bigger than my palm). I am leaving myself some points wiggle room for a glass (or two) of wine and then of course it comes with a side basmati rice (3pts for 1/3 cup) which I am sure is not factored into those 5pts.
I need to do this. I need to succeed at this. I feel like at this point, I have no choice. I need to do something that is life changing; I can’t do a quick fix. I have seen that this works. I have met people who have had great success on Weight Watchers. Maybe my body is just all messed up and it’s going to take me longer to lose the weight… seems like the pattern in my life, takes me a lot longer to get to a goal than my peers (hello, infertility).
So maybe this whole thing with my leader looking at my food journal is a good thing because it will force me to be more accountable since clearly just being accountable to me is not enough.
I can do this.
I will do this.
I will succeed.
Mother F-er.
I am doing this with 4 other women I work with. One goes to a meeting in another town and the other 3 are doing it online. It’s great to be doing this with people at work because there are usually so many obstacles at the office that having 4 other people to help each other stay on track is great. Also one of the woman is usually the one who brings in baked goodies or has candy on her desk so having her on this journey with us is good because she doesn’t do those things now!
This is the reason why I have joined and quit WW so many times in the past. I have always lost at such a slow rate but I have never lost this slowly before. I also have a good amount to lose so it’s not like I’m just dealing with a pesky 10 pounds here. One of the women in my little group has probably 30 pounds more than me to lose but she’s already lost 18lbs (she started 3 weeks before me)! So I know we all have different amounts to lose and I understand that we’re not going to lose at the same rate but I mean come on!!
I have been very good with tracking and staying on program up until the weekends. We usually have so much going on and are constantly out at someone’s house or out to eat that I try to be good but I don’t do such a good job of tracking everything and I am sure my portions are off. We do get those 49 extra points to use during the week that I tend to use up on the weekends (at least I think I do, not 100% sure since I don’t track 100% on the weekends).
So yeah, I’m probably doing myself a disservice with my lax WW-ness on the weekends. I know I know everyone says the secret to the program is to TRACK EVERYTHING. My leader could tell yesterday that something was up so she came over to talk to me. She’s so super nice. She said that some people actually take a month before they start to see the results. Geez, I never knew that. She offered to look at my food list next meeting… so now I have to be REALLY good and track everything since I have to hand it over in a week!
There is a really nice woman named Becky who I usually sit next to at the meetings. She overheard me talking to the leader and told me about an aqua aerobics class that she’s going to take. She said it’s at the local rec center and she did it last year and really liked it. She said that it starts next week and it’s 6:15-7 and one day a week. I’m not that thrilled about the prospect of getting in a bathing suit and then going into the local pool with a bunch of strangers… I’m not even that thrilled about getting into a bathing suit and going into our backyard pool in front of my husband… but I went home and signed up.
I’m going out to Indian with some girlfriends tonight and I know that if I wasn’t “handing in my homework” in a week I’d be pretty lax on the tracking, maybe not even track or just eyeball it. But today I went online to the restaurant’s website and then compared it to the WW etools and already picked out what I’m going to have so I know the points (Chicken Tikka – 5pts for 4oz, which is a little bigger than my palm). I am leaving myself some points wiggle room for a glass (or two) of wine and then of course it comes with a side basmati rice (3pts for 1/3 cup) which I am sure is not factored into those 5pts.
I need to do this. I need to succeed at this. I feel like at this point, I have no choice. I need to do something that is life changing; I can’t do a quick fix. I have seen that this works. I have met people who have had great success on Weight Watchers. Maybe my body is just all messed up and it’s going to take me longer to lose the weight… seems like the pattern in my life, takes me a lot longer to get to a goal than my peers (hello, infertility).
So maybe this whole thing with my leader looking at my food journal is a good thing because it will force me to be more accountable since clearly just being accountable to me is not enough.
I can do this.
I will do this.
I will succeed.
Friday, August 30, 2013
It's just me, the (secret) sad sack
I've had kind of a tough week. But let me back up a little bit...
7 weeks ago my best friend (since we were 4) told me she was 6 wks pregnant with her second!! She literally told me after she peed on the (3) sticks. She had told her husband (obvi), her mom then me. I felt so honored that she told me even before she went to the doctor. Her simple answer was, "you're my best friend, I need you." She announced on Facebook at 12wks with a super cute pic of her 3 yr old daughter hold the ultrasound pics up high with a "Soon To Be Big Sister" shirt on. It was adorable. She has PCOS and was always told how it was going to be hard for her to get pregnant. Well first month trying... blammo. Pregnant with her daughter (who was born 2 days before our wedding). Her doctor said how it was a fluke and to not expect it to happen again... and wham! Pregnant the 1st month when trying to have the second. I'm so happy for them, they are amazing parents and have really great families.
She got her 12 wk tests back and there was a high marker for Downs Syndrome. She just had more extensive tests last week and has to wait another week for the results and see if she'll need an amnio. I'm asking you all to pray for her, the baby and her family. No matter what this baby will be loved immensely but just praying everything is ok.
On Tuesday I found out that my other close friend is also pregnant with her second child. She is actually due a week after my BFF. This one is a little more bitter sweet because we went off the pill at the same time and were excited to be pregnant together... well she's another one who got pregnant the first month with her son. It took them 6 months to get pregnant with the second, which it still pretty quickly. I didn't think it was going to impact me as much as it has. I think because we both planned to start TTC at the same EXACT time and here she is pregnant with her second miracle and we're still without ours... it's a hard pill to swallow. But... I haven't let anyone know how upset I really am. I finally called my mom and told her today but she's the only one I've really let know how deep this hurts. My husband doesn't even know. I just don't want to be the person who always has a sob story, "oh poor infertile J." The sad sack. No, I can't do that. I was in a really good place with this whole journey before I found out about my friend on Tuesday and I just went into a downward spiral of depression. I paste a happy smile on my face and laugh at all the right jokes (and tell all the right jokes) but when I'm alone I let myself cry. Pathetic. I cry in the car, in the shower... like I said, pathetic. I just need to get myself back to that positive place again. My husband knows something's wrong but I think he's waiting for me to say something. I just don't want this whole infertility thing to consume our relationship. I don't want this to define us as a couple and so far I don't think it has.
So yeah... also, here I am CD43. Yep you read that right... Cycle Day 43. The first day of my last period was July 19th. I have taken 2 tests (one on CD36 and one today) and both negative. No miracle for us this month but I was kind of expecting that... but of course when you pee on that stick you're still holding out hope that it just *might* be positive. I've been seeing the chiropractor/acupuncturist 2x a week since CD14. He is so super nice and his staff is really great. His office is closed next week for vacation and he said when he comes back he wants to try something new. I'm not sure if I screwed my cycle up because I was drinking that FertilitTea, it's screwed up from the fertility meds, or just plain screwed up. I'm also concerned that I didn't ovulate this cycle because I've consistently had a lot of CM (sorry TMI). Today is the first day I've had what I call the "irrational seeing red anger" for no real good reason so I think that AF is on the way. I'm hoping so because I'm looking forward to starting a new cycle with the acupuncture. I will not be drinking that tea this time and we'll see how it goes...
7 weeks ago my best friend (since we were 4) told me she was 6 wks pregnant with her second!! She literally told me after she peed on the (3) sticks. She had told her husband (obvi), her mom then me. I felt so honored that she told me even before she went to the doctor. Her simple answer was, "you're my best friend, I need you." She announced on Facebook at 12wks with a super cute pic of her 3 yr old daughter hold the ultrasound pics up high with a "Soon To Be Big Sister" shirt on. It was adorable. She has PCOS and was always told how it was going to be hard for her to get pregnant. Well first month trying... blammo. Pregnant with her daughter (who was born 2 days before our wedding). Her doctor said how it was a fluke and to not expect it to happen again... and wham! Pregnant the 1st month when trying to have the second. I'm so happy for them, they are amazing parents and have really great families.
She got her 12 wk tests back and there was a high marker for Downs Syndrome. She just had more extensive tests last week and has to wait another week for the results and see if she'll need an amnio. I'm asking you all to pray for her, the baby and her family. No matter what this baby will be loved immensely but just praying everything is ok.
On Tuesday I found out that my other close friend is also pregnant with her second child. She is actually due a week after my BFF. This one is a little more bitter sweet because we went off the pill at the same time and were excited to be pregnant together... well she's another one who got pregnant the first month with her son. It took them 6 months to get pregnant with the second, which it still pretty quickly. I didn't think it was going to impact me as much as it has. I think because we both planned to start TTC at the same EXACT time and here she is pregnant with her second miracle and we're still without ours... it's a hard pill to swallow. But... I haven't let anyone know how upset I really am. I finally called my mom and told her today but she's the only one I've really let know how deep this hurts. My husband doesn't even know. I just don't want to be the person who always has a sob story, "oh poor infertile J." The sad sack. No, I can't do that. I was in a really good place with this whole journey before I found out about my friend on Tuesday and I just went into a downward spiral of depression. I paste a happy smile on my face and laugh at all the right jokes (and tell all the right jokes) but when I'm alone I let myself cry. Pathetic. I cry in the car, in the shower... like I said, pathetic. I just need to get myself back to that positive place again. My husband knows something's wrong but I think he's waiting for me to say something. I just don't want this whole infertility thing to consume our relationship. I don't want this to define us as a couple and so far I don't think it has.
So yeah... also, here I am CD43. Yep you read that right... Cycle Day 43. The first day of my last period was July 19th. I have taken 2 tests (one on CD36 and one today) and both negative. No miracle for us this month but I was kind of expecting that... but of course when you pee on that stick you're still holding out hope that it just *might* be positive. I've been seeing the chiropractor/acupuncturist 2x a week since CD14. He is so super nice and his staff is really great. His office is closed next week for vacation and he said when he comes back he wants to try something new. I'm not sure if I screwed my cycle up because I was drinking that FertilitTea, it's screwed up from the fertility meds, or just plain screwed up. I'm also concerned that I didn't ovulate this cycle because I've consistently had a lot of CM (sorry TMI). Today is the first day I've had what I call the "irrational seeing red anger" for no real good reason so I think that AF is on the way. I'm hoping so because I'm looking forward to starting a new cycle with the acupuncture. I will not be drinking that tea this time and we'll see how it goes...
Friday, August 9, 2013
Weight Watchers
Well the Paleo hasn’t been working out the way that I had envisioned. It is a lot harder to be on that strict of a diet when your spouse if not than I had anticipated. I ended up cheating a lot more than I had wanted to so I decided that this isn’t for me at this point. It’s a wonderful diet and I felt really great when I was doing it but it’s so hard to do it when your spouse (and pretty much anyone else you spend time with) is not on board.
My friend K at work mentioned that she wanted to do Weight Watchers and I thought it would be a great idea if we did it together. There is a meeting on Thursdays at 5:45 that works out perfectly with our schedules. Our friend D is also going to do it as well but she’s going to do it online. I’m very excited to try this – I did it about 10 years ago and lost a bit of weight but I heard that the new program is a lot better. It’s hard for me when the hubs wants to order pizza and I’m struggling with: “do I just toss the diet out the window and have pizza too?” or “I guess I’ll get the house salad which is really just iceberg lettuce, some onions, tomatoes which have seen better days and a couple cucumbers – yum.”
The new program is touted as a “lifestyle” not a “diet.” I mean, look how good Jennifer Hudson looks! I follow her on Instagram and she definitely eats normal stuff… including pizza and ice cream! I am going to try and incorporate the “good fats” like I learned with the Paleo. Who knows, maybe that’s something they talk about as well? I’m not a fan of processed foods so that might be hard but the majority of fruits and veggies are “free points” so that’s really great.
I have to do something. I went to a big box store with my sister-in-law on Wednesday and I saw the reflection of someone standing next to her and it took me a couple seconds to realize that it was my complete side profile… gut, butt and all. Yowza. You know it’s bad when you don’t recognize yourself. Le sigh. I had lost a lot of weight (60lbs) about 8 years ago. I started to go to the gym every single day and I was very diligent about what I was eating. But that was before I had a 9-5 job, a husband and a house to take care of. It seems like there aren’t enough hours in the day and if I have an extra 2 hours I’d like to spend them with my love not going back and forth to a gym. I do, however, get up and hour early every day and walk on the treadmill. I would really like to get into running but I feel like I have too much bulk on me for that right now – lol. Once I lose some (ok, a lot ) of weight I want to give it a try.
When hubster and I started dating I wanted to woo him over with all my cooking skills – cream sauces included. It certainly wasn’t the low fat/low cal cooking I had been doing for myself. By the time we got married I had gained about 30 pounds. Then when we started the infertility treatment it was a slippery slope… I tried hard to eat well and ignore the intense hunger and cravings I was having all the time on the medicine… well… here we are 40 pounds later and my gut/butt are bigger and still no baby :/
Yep. There’s the quick and dirty. I gained A LOT of weight on those meds.
I have a friend who is starting IVF in September and she is very weight conscious (I think she border line has an eating disorder and I’m not even exaggerating) and I have not told her how much I gained on the meds. We haven’t seen each other in years but rekindled our friendship over Facebook when she message me and asked if we were having fertility issues… I think that’s how we started chatting… anyway we now just text. ALL. THE. TIME. The doctor told her she had to gain 6lbs before she can start IVF and it completely freaked her out. So yeah, I’m not telling her about it because I don’t want her to have any more on her mind than she already does/well with the whole IVF process.
Anyway- I looked up WW and pregnancy and WW doesn’t recommend that you stay on program while pregnant but I found a couple blogs where the woman were on WW and then got pregnant while they were still overweight. They used the WW tools to make better choices while pregnant and added more points/calories to their daily goal. I don’t know- I’ll look into it more if I get to that point. I’m sure my OBGYN will let me know what I can and cannot do.
We are going to start on the week of the 19th… I need something to obsess over to keep my mind off the baby business! I’m sure I will incorporate this next adventure into my blog… so stay tuned!
My friend K at work mentioned that she wanted to do Weight Watchers and I thought it would be a great idea if we did it together. There is a meeting on Thursdays at 5:45 that works out perfectly with our schedules. Our friend D is also going to do it as well but she’s going to do it online. I’m very excited to try this – I did it about 10 years ago and lost a bit of weight but I heard that the new program is a lot better. It’s hard for me when the hubs wants to order pizza and I’m struggling with: “do I just toss the diet out the window and have pizza too?” or “I guess I’ll get the house salad which is really just iceberg lettuce, some onions, tomatoes which have seen better days and a couple cucumbers – yum.”
The new program is touted as a “lifestyle” not a “diet.” I mean, look how good Jennifer Hudson looks! I follow her on Instagram and she definitely eats normal stuff… including pizza and ice cream! I am going to try and incorporate the “good fats” like I learned with the Paleo. Who knows, maybe that’s something they talk about as well? I’m not a fan of processed foods so that might be hard but the majority of fruits and veggies are “free points” so that’s really great.
I have to do something. I went to a big box store with my sister-in-law on Wednesday and I saw the reflection of someone standing next to her and it took me a couple seconds to realize that it was my complete side profile… gut, butt and all. Yowza. You know it’s bad when you don’t recognize yourself. Le sigh. I had lost a lot of weight (60lbs) about 8 years ago. I started to go to the gym every single day and I was very diligent about what I was eating. But that was before I had a 9-5 job, a husband and a house to take care of. It seems like there aren’t enough hours in the day and if I have an extra 2 hours I’d like to spend them with my love not going back and forth to a gym. I do, however, get up and hour early every day and walk on the treadmill. I would really like to get into running but I feel like I have too much bulk on me for that right now – lol. Once I lose some (ok, a lot ) of weight I want to give it a try.
When hubster and I started dating I wanted to woo him over with all my cooking skills – cream sauces included. It certainly wasn’t the low fat/low cal cooking I had been doing for myself. By the time we got married I had gained about 30 pounds. Then when we started the infertility treatment it was a slippery slope… I tried hard to eat well and ignore the intense hunger and cravings I was having all the time on the medicine… well… here we are 40 pounds later and my gut/butt are bigger and still no baby :/
Yep. There’s the quick and dirty. I gained A LOT of weight on those meds.
I have a friend who is starting IVF in September and she is very weight conscious (I think she border line has an eating disorder and I’m not even exaggerating) and I have not told her how much I gained on the meds. We haven’t seen each other in years but rekindled our friendship over Facebook when she message me and asked if we were having fertility issues… I think that’s how we started chatting… anyway we now just text. ALL. THE. TIME. The doctor told her she had to gain 6lbs before she can start IVF and it completely freaked her out. So yeah, I’m not telling her about it because I don’t want her to have any more on her mind than she already does/well with the whole IVF process.
Anyway- I looked up WW and pregnancy and WW doesn’t recommend that you stay on program while pregnant but I found a couple blogs where the woman were on WW and then got pregnant while they were still overweight. They used the WW tools to make better choices while pregnant and added more points/calories to their daily goal. I don’t know- I’ll look into it more if I get to that point. I’m sure my OBGYN will let me know what I can and cannot do.
We are going to start on the week of the 19th… I need something to obsess over to keep my mind off the baby business! I’m sure I will incorporate this next adventure into my blog… so stay tuned!
Tuesday, August 6, 2013
Acu/ Chiro Update
Just a quick acupuncture/ chiropractic update! I had an x-ray on Monday and it showed that I have arthritis in my lower back :/ All stemming from that damn accident in 1998 (the gift that keeps on freaking giving!). The chiropractor said that it makes sense that I haven’t gotten pregnant… that with the inflammation and pain I’ve had (for years) in my back I’m not getting enough blood flow to my uterus, that the pain receptors in my brain are sending it to my lower back and away from my uterus… I just thought I had lower back pain because I sit at a computer all day… oh and because I’m a fat a$$. LOL!
Lord I pray that he’s right and what he’s doing at my appointments works. He said that he’s had a lot of patients come to him for infertility and there are a bunch of pictures of different babies in his office (I am optimistically assuming that they are satisfied patients saying thank you, haha).
Fingers crossed!
Lord I pray that he’s right and what he’s doing at my appointments works. He said that he’s had a lot of patients come to him for infertility and there are a bunch of pictures of different babies in his office (I am optimistically assuming that they are satisfied patients saying thank you, haha).
Fingers crossed!
Friday, August 2, 2013
Acupuncture, Chiro... and softcups! Oh My!
I went for my first acupuncture and chiropractic appointment last night… it was awesome! I decided to try an alternative route while on our break from the IF clinic because I have read so many wonderful things about it. I have a friend who tried for 3 years and attributes her 6th IUI finally working because she had acupuncture.
I saw my OBGYN (yearly pap) on Tuesday and of course I burst into tears when she asked how everything was at the IF clinic. She is so sweet and so nice. She told me that the patient she saw before me went through 5 IVF’s and when they decided to take a break she got pregnant at 42. She kept saying to me, “don’t give up, don’t give up.” She said she has many many patients who have taken a break from the IUI/IVF treatments, relaxed, and then got pregnant. She also said something else that I found to be very interesting – she said that “this has nothing to do with God. It doesn’t mean that you’re not a good person, this is all about science.” It was almost like she had been reading my mind. Not that I blame God- there are too many awful things in this world for me to go to a place where I start to blame God. But the part about me being a good person – that’s something I’ve said many times. “Aren’t I a good person? Aren’t we deserving people?” It certainly gave me something to think about.
Anyway, she was very happy when I told her I was going for acupuncture. She said that she has heard many success stories in her office about acupuncture and hopes that I call and give her good news very soon. I went to a doctor who does acupuncture and is also a chiropractor. The first appointment was more like a physical with him getting to know my body and he was doing all these measurements, stretches, and checking my reflexes. He asked about any “trauma” to my body besides what I had written on the forms and I told him I was a passenger in a bad car accident in 1998 and I was thrown out the back passenger window (it’s a miracle that I survived and didn’t have any broken bones). But I landed on my hip and then slid 20 ft on my side. I have tendonitis and bone spurs in my shoulders and as I have gotten older, I always have lower back pain but I attributed it have a job where I sit in front of a computer all day. He said that I’m all “backed up” in my hip/pelvis area because of the accident and that may very well be why I’m not getting pregnant.
Well, that’s surely something.
After he adjusted my back a little he had me go into another room and the nurse put electrodes on my back for some electric stimulation. Then I laid down and he put 11 needles in my body – my forehead, ear, neck, stomach, pubic bone, legs and ankles. I didn’t feel a thing. I only felt a light tap, like he was tapping me with his finger. It was actually very relaxing. Then he took them out, I rolled over and he put 4 more in my back.
I need to get an xray of my spine to make sure there isn’t any arthritis and he said he wants to see me 2x a week for the first month. I’m not sure if it’s going to always be a combo of acupuncture and a chiropractic visit but I feel pretty good today!
Today is cd16. I got my first “high” on the CBE Fertility Monitor on cd14 and then it went directly to a “peak” day yesterday and today. I read in the booklet that you can get 1 – 5 days of highs before the 2 days of peak so I guess I’m right on target. I drank a quart of the FertiliTea every day up until cd15. I have read conflicting things online that you can drink it all through your cycle or that you need to stop at ovulation so I figured better to be safe than sorry and just stopped at ovulation. But I ovulated around the same time as I usually do when I’m on all the medication so that’s pretty amazing. Who knows if it’s the tea or just a fluke cycle… guess I’ll have to see what happens next cycle with the tea.
Ok… has anyone heard of softcups? I read a lot about them online and they are used as an alternative to tampons/pads when you have your period but online a lot of people are using them for after they have sex to keep the sperm in there. Let me describe them to you… they look a lot like one of those rubber “livestrong” bracelets and it has a silicone piece on one side like a “cup.” You pinch the sides of the band together and insert it and the idea is that it keeps all of the sperm from coming out and closer to the cervix. I think that the good swimmers go to where they are supposed to go right away and then whatever comes out are the “rejects” (lol) so I'm sure about the effectiveness of this. But women were swearing up and down that that’s how they conceived. I looked them up on Amazon and they aren’t that expensive and again the women were singing its praises. It can’t hurt to try it I guess but I can only imagine what the hubs would say when I take one of those out of the nightstand after sex…
I saw my OBGYN (yearly pap) on Tuesday and of course I burst into tears when she asked how everything was at the IF clinic. She is so sweet and so nice. She told me that the patient she saw before me went through 5 IVF’s and when they decided to take a break she got pregnant at 42. She kept saying to me, “don’t give up, don’t give up.” She said she has many many patients who have taken a break from the IUI/IVF treatments, relaxed, and then got pregnant. She also said something else that I found to be very interesting – she said that “this has nothing to do with God. It doesn’t mean that you’re not a good person, this is all about science.” It was almost like she had been reading my mind. Not that I blame God- there are too many awful things in this world for me to go to a place where I start to blame God. But the part about me being a good person – that’s something I’ve said many times. “Aren’t I a good person? Aren’t we deserving people?” It certainly gave me something to think about.
Anyway, she was very happy when I told her I was going for acupuncture. She said that she has heard many success stories in her office about acupuncture and hopes that I call and give her good news very soon. I went to a doctor who does acupuncture and is also a chiropractor. The first appointment was more like a physical with him getting to know my body and he was doing all these measurements, stretches, and checking my reflexes. He asked about any “trauma” to my body besides what I had written on the forms and I told him I was a passenger in a bad car accident in 1998 and I was thrown out the back passenger window (it’s a miracle that I survived and didn’t have any broken bones). But I landed on my hip and then slid 20 ft on my side. I have tendonitis and bone spurs in my shoulders and as I have gotten older, I always have lower back pain but I attributed it have a job where I sit in front of a computer all day. He said that I’m all “backed up” in my hip/pelvis area because of the accident and that may very well be why I’m not getting pregnant.
Well, that’s surely something.
After he adjusted my back a little he had me go into another room and the nurse put electrodes on my back for some electric stimulation. Then I laid down and he put 11 needles in my body – my forehead, ear, neck, stomach, pubic bone, legs and ankles. I didn’t feel a thing. I only felt a light tap, like he was tapping me with his finger. It was actually very relaxing. Then he took them out, I rolled over and he put 4 more in my back.
I need to get an xray of my spine to make sure there isn’t any arthritis and he said he wants to see me 2x a week for the first month. I’m not sure if it’s going to always be a combo of acupuncture and a chiropractic visit but I feel pretty good today!
Today is cd16. I got my first “high” on the CBE Fertility Monitor on cd14 and then it went directly to a “peak” day yesterday and today. I read in the booklet that you can get 1 – 5 days of highs before the 2 days of peak so I guess I’m right on target. I drank a quart of the FertiliTea every day up until cd15. I have read conflicting things online that you can drink it all through your cycle or that you need to stop at ovulation so I figured better to be safe than sorry and just stopped at ovulation. But I ovulated around the same time as I usually do when I’m on all the medication so that’s pretty amazing. Who knows if it’s the tea or just a fluke cycle… guess I’ll have to see what happens next cycle with the tea.
Ok… has anyone heard of softcups? I read a lot about them online and they are used as an alternative to tampons/pads when you have your period but online a lot of people are using them for after they have sex to keep the sperm in there. Let me describe them to you… they look a lot like one of those rubber “livestrong” bracelets and it has a silicone piece on one side like a “cup.” You pinch the sides of the band together and insert it and the idea is that it keeps all of the sperm from coming out and closer to the cervix. I think that the good swimmers go to where they are supposed to go right away and then whatever comes out are the “rejects” (lol) so I'm sure about the effectiveness of this. But women were swearing up and down that that’s how they conceived. I looked them up on Amazon and they aren’t that expensive and again the women were singing its praises. It can’t hurt to try it I guess but I can only imagine what the hubs would say when I take one of those out of the nightstand after sex…
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