Saturday, December 15, 2012

Breathe in... Breathe out... Let goooo

When we got married in 2010 I had 8 bridesmaids (not my fault, hubs has 6 very close guy friends + his brother + brother in law...). We had an 18 mos engagement and by the time the big day came 6 of my girls either had a baby or were pregnant at the wedding. Also out of the groomsmen 3 of their wives were pregnant too! I felt so blessed to have all these people apart of our big day and it was a huge joke that with all that "fertile juju" in our wedding party that when we started trying we would be pregnant in no time!
Ha- jokes on us.

One of my friends got married the month after we did. We had so much fun planning our weddings together - she had the destination beach wedding while I had the traditional church wedding. It just so happened that we were both ready to get off the pill at the same time. We thought it would be so much fun to now be pregnant at the same time and have our children together... she got pregnant the first month off the pill.  Her beautiful son is now almost 15 months old.

When I say that all of my friends are pregnant or have babies... I literally mean ALL of them. The wives of the 6 groomsmen that my husband has been friends with since he was a little boy and I have all become really close. Also two of their sisters and their spouses are in the group. We all have so much fun together and I feel like it's really rare that (1) the guys are still so close after all these years and (2) all the wives get along so well. So out of the 9 couples, 5 of us were (are) dealing with infertility. That's pretty crazy! It gives me hope that all the rest of the couples were able to overcome the odds and have successful pregnancies/births..

I just don't feel like I have anyone I can talk to about all the feelings associated with this crazy roller coaster (fueled by fertility meds) anymore.   But.  That's not true.  I know I have people I can talk to but I don't want it to feel like that's the only thing I ever talk about and I don't want people to always feel bad for us.  I used to be able to text one of my friends who was "trying" and be like, "ugh another person posted they were pregnant on Facebook today!" Then we could bitch about it together, haha. But now... no one reallyunderstands. I just saw 4 posts on FB announcing pregnancies and while I am honestly happy for each and every one of them another part of me is green with envy. Sometimes I get depressed thinking that its never going to happen... when I try and talk to friends about it the sympathy kicks in and I get the "you'll be next!"

Also 2 couples in that group, who got pregnant after we started trying, are now each pregnant with their second... that's a tough pill to swallow.

Has this turned into a bitch-fest blog?  Ugh sometimes I can't stand how pathetic and bitter sounding I have become over this or how it has started to run my life.