Sunday, March 31, 2013

35 is the new 25... said nobody ever.

First I want to apologize for falling off the map for the past few weeks.  We still don't have any answers, we're still waiting for these flippin test results to come back... I am just so nervous that they are going to call and say:

"well there's nothing we can do, you're broken so forget about having babies and maybe get another dog."

I fully own how dramatic and ridiculous that sounds.  I tend to go from zero to worse case scenario sometimes.  Maybe to let myself process the worst and then be surprised when it's not as bad as I had envisioned??  Who knows, but admitting to that brand of crazy is the first step- right?

So yeah - my birthday was last week and I am now 35.  Crap.  I was very depressed about turning 35 and still not being pregnant.  Let me first say that it has nothing to do with the whole nonsense about the stigma that 35+ is too old to have a baby.  I don't think that at all.  I have a couple friends who didn't have their firsts until 35 or later - my sister didn't have her daughter until she was just about 40 (she didn't have any issues, just wasn't ready until then, got pregnant in 3 mos).  It's just being this age and after this long and still not having our miracle.  My whole thing is that when we started this journey I always told myself that at least by 35 I'd have either a baby in my womb or a baby in my arms.


I know that I am not the first woman to reach this age after trying to conceive for years and still being without a child.  I also know that if we are blessed with a miracle I will not be the first woman to have a baby at 35 or older.  But for some reason I had it in my head and heart that by 35 we would have our miracle.  It's just hard to wrap my head (and heart around).

So we wait for the doctor to call.  The test results should be back this week so hopefully we will know what the next step is soon...

Fingers crossed.

xo j.