This morning I saw something on Pinterest that said:
“Lessons in life will be repeated until they are learned.”
I thought to myself – I wonder what the lesson is that I need to learn with watching our friends get pregnant over and over again during our infertility journey?
This afternoon as I was walking into a meeting one of my co-workers was talking about how one of our teammates was not going to be in the meeting because she had to go home.
She wasn’t feeling well.
She’s 11 weeks pregnant.
I was a little taken aback because I hadn’t noticed anything but then I thought about it and realized she had been wearing really bulky blazers and loose dresses for a while now. She was also visiting the café a lot more than normal. She just started working here in May – we had worked together at our prior employer and I really talked her up to get her a job here. I know that she and her husband have been trying for a second for over a year and she thought that because of the stress level at her last job that maybe that’s why she hadn’t conceived yet. I think that she is a super nice girl and honestly I am really happy for her.
Since I found out literally as I was walking into my meeting, I needed a minute alone to process. I excused myself and went to the bathroom. As soon as the stall door closed a couple tears escaped. I sat there and breathed deep and said to myself over and over, “It’s ok. It’s ok.” Then… it was ok.
It’s almost like a total sense of calm came over me. So another co-worker on my team is pregnant (one of my teammates just came back from her maternity leave in August and there is always at least one or two pregnant woman in my office at a time). Yeah, is it going to be super fun to watch her go through her pregnancy? I will be honest and say that I may have some sad moments. But I’ve done it before and I am sure I will do it again. If there is anyone who knows what a miracle and a blessing being pregnant is it’s me. I’ve had time to think about it and I think finding out my friend’s IVF worked on Saturday hit me as hard as it did because it was such a huge contrast to our experience.
Maybe the lesson that I need to learn here is that everyone goes through their own crap and just because someone has something that I desperately want, doesn’t mean that there isn’t something that they are going through as well.
Life is precious. Every day is a miracle. I can’t be wasting time being Sally Sad Sack because I’m not getting pregnant. Live life to the fullest and every day like it’s your last (is that a song?).