wrench in the plans

Well after 45 days and no ovulation dear Aunt Flow has decided to show her face.  Too bad that completely puts a wrench in the medication protocol that the doctor had wanted me on. 

How it was supposed to go is that I started Provera on Tuesday - take that for 10 days.  Then on Sunday 4/14 I would have started the Lupron injections for 10 - 11 days (still taking the Provera) until my period showed up.  Then I would go in for the baseline ultrasound and blood work... and then I don't know what meds I would have been starting next.

Wouldn't you know that AF decided to rear her ugly head on her own damn schedule?  This morning I went to the bathroom and was like, "what the what?!?"

The ironic thing is - now they are putting me on birth control.  Oh ok.  That makes sense... not.  But then again I am not the Fertility Specialist with a zillion awards and plaques on my wall... going to assume the man knows what he's doing, haha. 

No just kidding, I *think* it's to regulate my cycle since the last two were so wacky (23 days and then 45 days).  Then Lupron starts on 4/28 (overlapping the BCP).  After 10 days of Lupron AF should come again in all her glory and then I go in for the baseline...

Whew it’s all just the beginning…

The kicker is my cramps are so bad.  So. Bad.  Just to drive the point home of, "oh so you know for sure you are not pregnant."  Thanks so much!

I mentioned a while back that two couples in our circle of friends are both pregnant with their second child - and they got pregnant with their firsts after we started trying.  Once again, not bitter - so totally happy for them.  One thing for sure this journey has taught me is that every child is a miracle from God.  They were both, ironically, due on 4/10.  One couple had their little boy on Monday and I have been texting the other for the past couple days checking on her...

I know I just said that I wasn't bitter, and I really am not.  It's just something that I want so deeply - it almost feels like some secret club that I can't get a membership for.  I am of course being there and being supportive for my friends but then on the flip side I am so torn up inside because I desperately want to be pregnant and have a child(ren).

I just have to keep telling myself - it's not my turn yet but hopefully soon.

Please God.
Please.