Twins. Hmm.

With the upcoming IVF#2 being the last one our insurance will cover, the discussion of twins has come up.. again.  When we did the 3 IUI's it was something we thought about but wasn't something we could control.  Twins are actually on both sides of our families, my maternal grandmother had twin sisters and hubs paternal grandfather had twin brothers so the chances of us having twins was always on the table.  But now that science has completely taken over my ovaries and uterus we actually can (kind of) control this.

When we were doing IVF#1 we said that we would like to have only one at a time but if twins happened we would be ok with it.  You can't really control if one of the embryos splits when implanted but you can control how many embryos get transferred.  I know someone who had IVF and had 2 embryos transferred... one split and she had triplets (she was at a different clinic).  That, right there, scares the heck out of me.  There is what they call "selective reduction" where they would go in (somehow) and take out one or two (depending on how many are in there).  Once we learned, however, that this isn't performed until the end of the 1st trimester we said no.  Once there is a heartbeat they are babies to us.

What also scares the heck out of me is having two tiny infants at the same time but we'll get back to that in a moment.

Before we started this IVF journey our hospital had us take a mandatory IVF seminar, which I'm so glad they did.  There was a lot about all this I didn't really get or understand and although I still do not know (or understand) all of it, I have a better grasp on the basics.  During the seminar they talked about multiples.  Our practice tries not to have multiples and they outlined reasons that I never knew.  With twins and triplets the risks to mother and babies are very high.  The woman I mentioned above had a very difficult pregnancy where she was hospitalized many times.  Two of her 3 babies were born with cleft pallets and one has other health issues and has had to have a couple surgeries already in his short little life (heart breaking).  I also know a couple women who have had twins (two with IVF and two with IUI) and although their pregnancies were a little tougher because there were two in there the babies seem to be ok (knock on wood). 

But. 
I follow two blogs where BOTH WOMEN lost their twins at 17 weeks (natural pregnancy) and 19.5 weeks (IVF).  I cannot imagine anything more heartbreaking than trying for so long to achieve a pregnancy; seeing that beautiful heartbeat and then watching your miracle(s) grow, making plans for their futures... to then lose them... how do you even recover from that?  Of course I know that women pregnant with just one child have miscarriages all the time (my sister lost 2 angels) but I think because the two women that I was following (and in my head thought we were friends in real life) lost their twin angels... makes me more apprehensive.

So with all that has already been said lets get back to what I mentioned before- having two tiny little humans at the same time.  I haven't done a ton of reading on it but I have seen that it is possible to have a vaginal birth with twins as long as the one on the bottom is in the right position.  I always thought I would give it the ol' college try to push them out the way women have been doing it since the beginning of time.  I'm not opposed to having a c-section though, if that's what my doctor (you know, the one with the medial degree) says I need to do for the health of our baby(s) then that's that.  Caring for two infants while recovering from abdominal surgery though... I cannot imagine is an easy task. 

Then once they're out there are two.  Then we get to take them home.  Alone.  Without a whole hospital staff to help.

I have no doubt that my mother will be here with us - she has already proclaimed that she will be in the delivery room, which truth be told, I'm pretty sure I'm going to want my mommy in there along with the hubster.  I am also sure that she will be there when we get home along with my mother in law who lives very close by (my mom is an hour away - hate it).  So I know we will have help and I know there are a lot of couples all over the world who have twins and figure it out.  I don't know... I just feel like it'll be harder to bond with two at a time but that might just be me being whiney.  Then they, as I've heard, aren't always hungry at the same time and need to be changed at the same time and sleep at the same time... also there's daycare to consider (eek!).

But...
They will be our little miracles, God's gifts finally in our arms.

Something to continue to think about.